A couple of years back I went to a romance novel book signing and I bought every single book and had them signed. Some where good. Some where bad. All involved bulging appendages.
For your reading pleasure, and my own personal catalogue of ridiculous, may I present:
Nicole's Guilty Romance Review: Simply Magic by Mary Balogh
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| Book cover: Instead of Fabio and corsets we have garden statues in an embrace.
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The tease: His touch was glorious. His kiss was Simply Magic.
The heroine: Susanna Osbourne : Red haired athletic orphan teacher at Miss Martin's School for Girls.
The hero: Viscount Peter Whitleaf: Tall, Dark and Slender with buff upper body and penchant for being nice to everyone.
The witty sidekicks: Teachers with romance's of their own and hoardes of random relatives with titles. Seriously... can we have a family tree? And a photo of the dancing stern one armed burn victim too? You can't just mention that kind of stuff without some more description!
Her dark secret: She ran away from his neighbors household after her father offed himself over his own dark secret.
His dark secret: He ran away from his duties because of a broken heart and an over controlling family.
The seduction: Dancing the Waltz, church concerts, boat racing and hiking.
Locations for romance: On top of a hill. In the Dowager house (twice!)
Kink: Lack of heat in Dowager house. Say what!?! All I could think about was how hairy my legs would be!
The Fabio Factor: 2/10 - This guy has got no game.
Blush factor: 2/10
This book lacks any real ridiculous descriptions of bulging members or heaving bosoms. For the most part this book is pretty tame. She doesn't want to love him because of all her drama and he doesn't want to love her because he has been jilted by love. They become friends. He takes her to balls and church concerts. They have some premarital sex (with no pregnancy!). They solve a mystery and work through their respective issues. They get married. They live happily ever after.
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